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WARNING: Please DO NOT download the brand new single by evil cult-leader Gideon Pure as it is made from music which can bend your mind. The track "We're Gonna Spend The Night At Bill Masheen" (currently at No 1 in our FREE download chart) is suspected to contain inaudible hypnotic messages and is being used by Gideon Pure to recruit large numbers of gullible youths who are being held against their will in the illegaly occupied wheat fields around Bill Masheen. Mr Pure can not be captured by the FBI because his lawyer is very charming.
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WipetheNet.org seeks E2h erasureRight-wingers WipetheNet.org stepped up their campaign against entrances2hell.co.uk this week when they called for our new posters and postcards to be made illegal. The Bible-bashing collective, who want to see the entire Internet erased, claimed that our highly popular designs will "encourage teenagers and students away from their studies and into danger both spiritual and physical".
Dr Gates makes beautiful music and it's ridiculously the cutest thing ever
Our very own Compiler-In-Chief, Dr Rae Gates, makes his musical debut on a fabulous new track by ambient-techno duo ANDROID BEEFCAKE. The song, a haunting slice of drifting electro, is a salute to Ssssuuuuft, the group's local entrance to Hell in their home town of Henley-on-Thames. "We can't believe Dr Gates agreed to sing for us," reveals Julian D (above left with partner Julian E). "He even translated the lyrics into Karatakak." The Android lads make a noise they describe as "good old House without the repetitive minimalism" and are planning a winter gig near Ssssuuuuft.
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THIS UGLY MUSICMAKER WANTS TO CONVINCE YOU ENTRANCES2HELL IS FAKESo called 'electronic poet' Repetitive John has made the outrageous claim that entrances2hell is not real. He cheekily tells us that his new new single 'We Can See Thru Your Vile Propaganda' aims to shoot down what he calls our "malicious lies". In order to show that we don't mind the odd bit of negative criticism, and safe in the knowledge that our highly intelligent and sexy readers will see through the foul lies of this publicity seeking half-wit, we have decided to include a link to his website where you can send him money.
Repetitive John's website
Angry rampaging dog/human attacks E2h HQ but is so good looking and rich thatA middle-aged Half-man/Half-dog suffering from de Cleramboult's Syndrome was arrested after threatening to attack E2h headquarters. Police say that the former GP from Solihull attempted to drive his Giant Mini into the revolving doors of the entrances2hell building before handcuffing himself to a bronze sculpture in the E2h water garden. Speaking on local radio, the unusual creature said, "Dr Gates loves me. His marriage is a sham. I will attack again." Dr Gates, Compiler-In-Chief of E2h, yesterday revealed, "This misguided and lonely creature has attempted to break into my home on several occasions during the last 15 years. I have nothing but sympathy for them but they desperately need help."
it doesn't matter
MORE PATERNITY SUIT DENIALS YOU MUST READ ABOUT BEFORE YOU DIEDr Rae Gates of entrances2hell.co.uk strongly denies the paternity claim of yet another member of the Japanese parliament following his recent lecture tour of Japan. "This is nothing more than a cynical attempt to extort money," he said. "My only contact with this person was to sign their Entrances2hell poster during post-lecture drinks & nibbles."
Dr Gates would like to thank his numerous fans around the UK who have sent photos of the many and fascinating entrances to hell which they have discovered in their local towns and villages and cities and fields and in nearby woodland.
AT LAST, YOUR OWN
Make sure your colleagues are kept aware of the Entrances2hell Safety Rules by placing this bright yellow information poster in a prominent location. Starting at only 6 DOLLARS and available in 2 sizes or as a pack of 8 postcards from our CafePress shop.
BUT SAFETY INFO
T-SHIRTS ARE GONE
Our fabulous "Don't shout at the devil" Safety Info T-Shirts are now NOT AVAILABLE. Costing from 11 DOLLARS, they were available from CafePress.
Should you be pestered by dangerous blancmanges during
an entrance visit, simply activate the entrances2hell
Blancmange Trapper as shown above.
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